Recently, a friend had foot surgery. She has 2nd grade twins who she home schools, and is very much an "on the go" person. She was getting so depressed at her lack of mobility while she could not use that foot. I tried to keep her spirits up, and she asked me how I am so positive, when this is my reality day after day. The thing is, this was all new to her, whereas I have had years now to heal the depressive "woe is me" and get to the "it is what it is" and "letting go of what I can't change". Don't get me wrong, am I happy to be basically bedridden 90% of the time? NO! Of course not! But I have made my peace with a body that no longer does what I want it to, and no longer trust to allow me to stand or walk safely without something sturdy to hold onto. I don't like it but this is how it is and there's no changing it.
However ... the things I can do ... I do to my fullest ability! When I cook, I trundle myself down to the kitchen with my walker, and then sit to prepare the ingredients and use the stove. While I am down in the kitchen, whether preparing hubby's pack lunch, breakfast or dinner, I'll sit and feed my animals or wash the dishes.
With my AVON, hubby will bring my boxes in and onto my bed, and I'll log them all in first, and then get my invoices printed up. Then, because I've been sat up awhile and kind of twisting getting stuff out of the boxes to check them in, I'll have to lie down on my side again to "rest" my back and relieve the pain. After resting, he'll bring me the printed invoices, and I'll bag the orders, stand the bags in the boxes, and he'll take them into my other room for me.
I don't know how I'd get along without him, he's my second rock. God being my first.
The thing is, I do as much as I can. When we do deliveries, I can still drive, but he's the one that gets out of the car and takes it to my customers. I have come to terms with my limitations.
In my first marriage, I was an abused wife.
My ex used to hit me all the time, embarrassed me by offering me to his friends (who I think were as embarrassed by his behaviour as I was), and even tried to make me miscarry my youngest daughter by pushing me down a flight of stairs, dragging me out of the house "cave-man style" by my hair and then kicking me in the stomach (supposedly - he said then - because his girlfriend was pregnant at the same time and didn't want to run the risk of us being in hospital together).
I was so young. I was demoralized. I had nowhere to go. I'd left and gone to my mum's a few times and he would come there, crying, and she'd say "he's your husband, talk to him". It was only when he got mad there one time, and she said something, and he grabbed her by the throat, that she realised exactly WHAT I had been going through. It took me 5 years to get away from him, and then I was 22 and with 3 small children.
So, I know how these women feel.
I was going to donate some AVON to the Salvation Army as they also run a shelter that we donate to weekly, out of hubby's paycheck, and Dimple suggested Safe Harbor as an alternate, so we made up these awesome bags with a skin care product, a fragrance and a couple of other goodies like lotions, etc and she delivered them for me. She said the lady there was really happy to get them and knew the women would love them.
It might not be much, but we did a small thing, that made some other folks lives a little better. Their struggle is real. Being able to pamper themselves a little may help them as they work through self esteem issues.
Everyone has their own demons to fight.
It was my great granddaughter, Zayleigh's, birthday this past weekend and she is the big 3. My grandson is down from New York to spend time with her, and took some pics. She looks good in his fireman's hat, doesn't she?
He, on the other hand, I feel badly that he is so poor he cannot afford razors! LOL. I rag him about his fuzz all the while, he just rolls his eyes and grins.
I hate that he doesn't get to see her as often as he likes, but am glad he does get to spend some time with her. He loves and misses her so much.
I'll get to see HIM this weekend, before he goes back up to New York. It's been 22 months, and I miss HIM! LOL :) He is still my baby boy! Way taller than me now but that doesn't change a thing!
I'm proud of the man he has become and is still becoming.
His struggle is real.
I guess my thing today is that pain, in different forms, and life in general, aren't always easy and everyone has their own struggles that they deal with. We have to try to be kinder, and make a difference when and where we can.
Have an awesome day, my friends.
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