To All My CNA and Nurse's Assistant Friends Working With The Elderly

For many years, I worked with the elderly, both in nursing homes and privately. I was good. I was conscientious and I (thought) I was gentle. Days like today bring home to me that even gentle is not enough, when the body you are assisting, is dealing with chronic pain.

I now deal with chronic pain, in my knees, hips and back, courtesy of arthritis and osteoporosis. It is a pain that, at times, is almost unbearable. The deep dull throb at its center, no matter where that center is, exudes a stomach clenching grip that brings nausea immediately to your throat, whilst making your toes curl with a mix of electric shock and coldness. The overall feeling is a helpless hurt that you'd give anything to stop, but know that it is in control, and it will run it's course. Sometimes it will come in waves and wash over you. Others, it will arrive like a microburst and be over moments later, having let you know that you can do nothing to stop it.

I feel sick to my stomach now, thinking of some of the frail ladies and gentlemen that I cared for. When they said it hurt, and I was "being gentle" I didn't realise that THIS is what so many were going through. 

When I heard the moans in the night, or dried tears, I did not KNOW how that pain can wake you from the deepest slumber. I do now. There are nights when I sob, even after applying the oils that relieve some of the pain. When I groan into my pillow. When I cannot turn over, or sit up, the pain is just so intense.

I  feel so bad. So many of the assistants didn't even attempt to be gentle or considerate, they had x residents to "do" in x hours, so it was all matter of fact and like clockwork, dehumanizing in many respects. Disrespectful in others.

Please, if you work with the elderly or those dealing with chronic pain issues, understand that - until you experience it - you do not know how bad that pain is. It is not just a little ache, it is a searing and debilitating pain. Even "gentle" is not what you think. Treat these sufferers as fragile, as delicate as a rare porcelain. Then you will really be "caring" for them.